Upon Changing Horses in the Middle of the Stream, Durer and I Can't Dance...

Friday  morning. The cats are fed, they are lounging about satisfied. Just finished filling out the disclosure agreements to have my medical records transferred to another medical institute. I am attempting to change Oncologists. I am also hoping that I am not changing horses in the middle of the stream. It is just at this stage, I want to make wiser choices. In a sense I am setting up a line of defense. Or to put it simply, I am taking care of myself.

Lately I haven't been sleeping well. I think the change has caused me to become a bit anxious. It wasn't an easy decision, one that I have been pondering for sometime. I am also beginning to cultivate a support group, I joined the Cancer Survivor's Network.  We will see where this leads me.

Creative impulses are returning again. I don't know where they will take me. That is part of the mystery. I am totally out of sync with the art world, if anything I do archaic art. I kind of like that term...archaic with a touch of esoteric mystery.

I blame Durer.

Melancholia by Durer

Sadly I don't think illustrators or comic book artists will ever be taken seriously by the established Art World. Personally I find that somewhat sad but also rather liberating. Besides the established art world is fickle, subjective and prone to fashion. Although anyone who makes in it, becomes recognized, has actually done a remarkable thing, it is simply a tight wire and the fall from its heights is devastating to many an aspiring artist.

Anymore art is more a healing factor for me. If other people enjoy my work, then I am pleased. But at heart I am a child with a pen drawing what pleases me. If anything my artwork is simply eccentric. I am not out to create political art, highly intellectual art or any form of great art. Just eccentric art.

Though I have won awards, been offered to do work for publications and was told by my instructor at Oklahoma University that I could go far in this field...I don't have the emotional makeup. I have accepted this about myself. I also understand how people can, with good intentions, set up people to fail. The art world is for those of strong fortitude. You have to wear many hats.

Me, I forget where I put my car keys sometimes, let alone my hat.

Though when the Big Sleep finally does arrive, I fully intend to share with him a chest full of writings and drawings.  I dubbed them Sacraments in Silence. Art from a somewhat childish and eccentric ego.

I started this Facebook page to showcase my artwork. Obviously I am not as prolific as I like to be. Sometimes it takes literally months for me to complete a piece. Between work, slacking off at the XBox or PC and dealing with health issues, I would consider myself at heart, lazy. It is not that I want to be, it is just the creative fire hits and misses and the consuming motivation is like a wave that tosses to and fro.

I am working to change this. Not that I believe I have anything great to say in my art or anything profound to share, the truth is drawing keeps me out of trouble and gives a bit more substance to my existence.

I don't consider myself mentally ill, unstable at times, yes, perhaps I am a functioning mental patient in a very structured world that has sharp edges. I also read a lot of psychology, a lot of spiritual material and philosophy. Most of my youth I considered myself on a journey, now I consider myself more in the role of an illuminator and scribe with a day job.

And if you think I consider myself anything special...this is my mantra below...